He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i came on her dog
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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