Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize