I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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