Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
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Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
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I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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