My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
smell my finger.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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