i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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