I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize