My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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