mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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