I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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