ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
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Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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