My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize