Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?

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(614): I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place? http://tfl.nu/g0k2

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(972): View more from Texas

The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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(972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.

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(412): Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets. http://tfl.nu/agl3

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(770): View more from Georgia

my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

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(770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi

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(407): View more from Florida

Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?

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(407): Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening? http://tfl.nu/psmr

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.

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(617): She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her. http://tfl.nu/sdzd

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(216): View more from Ohio

I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.

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(216): I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/0c0z

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(585): View more from New York

You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!

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(585): You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura! http://tfl.nu/nzmy

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(520): View more from Arizona

Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation

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(520): Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation http://tfl.nu/bc5i

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(863): View more from Florida

I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule

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(863): I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule http://tfl.nu/m3mw

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.

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(610): this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all. http://tfl.nu/9oal

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(205): View more from Alabama

WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES

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(205): WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES http://tfl.nu/watc

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(817): View more from Texas

I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"

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(817): I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV" http://tfl.nu/rps9

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(601): View more from Mississippi

She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something

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(601): She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something http://tfl.nu/xegg

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(206): View more from Washington

Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.

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(206): Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious. http://tfl.nu/0zzq

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