You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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