Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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