Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
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Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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