Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize