Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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