But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Let's get the cat blown out
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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