i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
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i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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