the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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