Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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