You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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