did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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