Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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