after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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