peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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