Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
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How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
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I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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