if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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