playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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