sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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