The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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