I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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