Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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