Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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