Having a random hookup so left but love u
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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