True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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