y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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