Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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