this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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