I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize