I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize