Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
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Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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