I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize