Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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