What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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