I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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