Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
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i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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