i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize