Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize